Category: Graffeo Family & Sciacca

A Visit to Nonna’s House

Monday, January 15, 2018 – Martin Luther King Day

It’s one of those typical rainy, January days in San Francisco (though my parents often say that January is one of the nicest months on the California Coast) and we’re headed up to Nonna’s House on Columbus Avenue. Mom, dad & I are in mom’s Subaru and dad is complaining that we’ll never find parking close by. Amy’s not far behind in her car with her friend Deborah Amore. Deb’s a psychic medium.

Since starting my ancestry work a few years ago, Amy & I have been talking about taking Deb up to Nonna’s to do a reading for us. We’re fascinated to see this place for ourselves – and to see if Deb can help uncover some of the mysteries of the family and/or confirm a few.

We’ve talked Dad into joining us (but keep in mind, he really has no idea what this is all about – truth be told, he just loves spending time with his girls). Mom joins us willingly . . she’s always up for an adventure!

But first, let me give you a little background and perspective on the place . . .

My dad’s grandmother, Nonna Rafello, lived at 1333 Columbus Avenue in San Francisco. She lived at this house as long as my Dad could remember – and she died there as well. My dad remembers family dinners there (and we even have a picture of him, as a baby sitting on his Mom’s lap at Nonna’s table, surrounded by aunts & uncles).   Nonna was deeply religious – more than likely it had followed her from a strong Catholic upbringing in Sicily – and she went to church every day. Saints Peter and Paul Church was a 15 minute walk each way, from her house on Columbus and she did this walk religiously every day. She was married in this church in 1902 and when she died in 1961, her funeral was held there as well.

My dad’s Nonno lived there too – but he killed himself – in that same house in 1931. My dad & his cousins have few memories of him, as he was gone before most of them were born or old enough to remember. While tragic, no one talked about it much (at least in Dad’s generation) – but it became family legend nevertheless.

No one is sure just when they bought this house, but according to my review of census records it was sometime in the 1920s. On the 1920 census, the family is living at 603 ½ Bay Street and they are renting. By 1930, they are homeowners at 1333 Columbus Avenue.

Some years back, 1333 Columbus Avenue became an Irish pub & tavern called Fiddlers Green. My dad & mom, who are fabulous San Francisco tour guides, would sometimes take people by there to see the “old place”. When they took cousin Carl and his son Nick there a couple of years ago, Amy & I were even more determined to make a trip up there ourselves. By the way, in Ireland, Fiddlers Green is the place that Irish Fisherman go when they die. The irony was not lost on us. Nonno and most of his sons were fisherman out of San Francisco Bay and my ancestry work in Sicily has uncovered a long line of fisherman on both Nonno’s father’s & mother’s sides of the family.

Note: I’m going to use Nonna & Nonno’s birth names for the rest of this story – as that’s the way I documented them the day of the reading – and honestly, how I’ve come to identify them when I think about and research them. Nonna was named Calogera (but went by Linda once in America) and Nonno was named Antonino (and went by Tony in America).

I pull up in front of the Fiddlers Green and let my dad out of the car. Mom & I go to find a parking place so dad can get settled inside the dry pub. We join dad and he’s explaining to the manager that his family used to live here. A few minutes later, Amy & Deb arrive. The manager welcomes us in and apologizes that the kitchen won’t be open until dinner time, but he’s happy to serve us drinks.

Mom has brought along some pictures of the family and spreads them out on the table. Deb picks them up and then puts them back on the table. She moves them around a bit and starts to look a little distant then she starts talking. She sees people in this house. It’s full of people and they’re eating and laughing and talking. Kids are running everywhere. Everyone’s happy.

Deb’s talking quietly & asking questions and Calogera’s the first to come through. Calogera shares that she knows she has a reputation of not being very nice. She wants us to know that she wasn’t born this way; it was her life circumstances that made her life the way it was.

Calogera shares that she went to church every day; she was looking for some comfort, some solace – but shares that it never really changed her behavior.

The focus shifts to Antonino. I think Amy or I asked if he was with us too. Deb confirms that yes, he is. On dad’s request, Deb asks if he took his own life and he answers (through her) that “he had to end it”. He shares that he owned money and “they” were going to “work him over”. As Deb explains this to us, it’s really as if Antonino is speaking “through her”.

Antonino shares that he begged Calogera to give him money to repay the debt but that she didn’t believe “they” would really do anything to him. Despite his repeated requests, she just wouldn’t believe him or give him money. He claims, she didn’t want to help him out of the situation.

At one point, my dad asks how they got the money to buy the house and Antonino answers that the funds were from the mob and loan sharks (this is the first & only time these references were used). We never asked or confirmed whether the money in question was the same loan that led him to take his own life – or other money he may have borrowed for another purpose (given timing of when they bought the house in the 1920’s and his death in 1931, it seems possible it was for the house).

He then starts to describe his relationship with Calogera. He says he understood why she was the way she was. He describes her as “miserly with her affection and money”. He starts to talk about his own circumstances.

Antonino talks about how he brought with him “how he was supposed to behave and what he was supposed to do” from Sicily and the culture there. He says he was involved with “really bad people” and that “it” followed him from Sicily. His beliefs and how he lived in the America were tied to everything he believed and learned at “home”. He says he was raised by “loose Catholics”. He talks about his “people or group” as church going, acting like “good Catholics” but that in life they lived totally different. When describing those differences he used words like “murder, dishonest & bad behavior”. At one point, he also mentions that all this led to why he had to change his name – leaving Graffeo behind and adopting Rafello.

We’d heard from the manager that there had been reports of ghosts in the house. We assumed it was Antonino since he had killed himself in this house. Amy asked Deb if Antonino was still there; if he was the ghost. He quickly responded with “no, I crossed over right away, I’d had enough in life, had no desire to stay there”.

What happens next, still gives me goose bumps and raises the hair on the back of my neck.

While Antonino was not a church-going man in life, as his wife had been, he talked for the next few minutes lovingly of God & what I can only assume is heaven. It was an amazing story of enlightenment and in my mind, an amazing discovery of true love. It brings a big smile to my face & heart as I write this next part.

Antonino says that he could have made other choices in life, but that he didn’t know then what he knows now. He just did what culture and “his pack” always did. He says “the purpose of life is to live with lightness and as close to God, with love and oneness”. Everything he thought and believed was not what’s important at all.   He describes the afterlife as SO wonderful – “zipping around, see who we want, do what we want, and completely different than what we were told it was”. He sounded happy and as if his time was now about enjoyment and spending time with those you love (my interpretation anyway . . . I guess you had to be there).

He explains that he hasn’t come back yet because he “isn’t ready and doesn’t want to”. Surprisingly, he adds “and because Calogera hasn’t crossed over yet”. Antonino said he wants Calogera to cross over and get some peace.

The last part of Antonino’s story had us chuckling, as he describes that he probably won’t come back as a Sicilian and “that’s OK”! Also, he probably won’t come back in an enlightened state. Again, he seemed OK with that and happy to add another lap to his life journey – one that would have him participate in the teachings that accumulate & evolve to create a status in this life that we call an “old soul”. At least from my perspective, again that’s how I chose to see it!

We turn our attention back to Calogera.

Deb explains that she’s persistent, loud and wants to be heard. Deb also tells Calogera is still at the house; she never crossed over at death.

As with Antonino, it’s as if Calogera is talking “through” Deb. Deb is reciting Calogera’s words.

Calogera talks about her childhood, her happy childhood and says that lasted until she was 12 or 13 years old. She met the love of her life at 11 or 12 and says she didn’t believe her family “would approve” – but she gave her whole heart, love & soul to this person. Deb listens (to Calogera I assume) and replies that this person in turn “maybe made a different choice & deserted her”. There was also a feeling that maybe this person was from a “rival” family.

She starts to talk about her marriage to Antonino and says her family forced and / or arranged the marriage. She didn’t want it and she didn’t love him.

At this point, I ask Deb to ask Calogera if she knows about the work I’ve been doing on the family and how hard I’ve searched for information on the baby. The request is met with an icy stare and response from Deb (as what I assume is from Calogera) saying “she doesn’t want to talk about that baby – never has and never will”. She adds that baby Ignazio is not the love of her life’s child.

I was pretty startled by the response and felt like I’d overstepped my bounds into a very sensitive area. I said something like, “I’ll just stop looking” and Deb quickly responded with a serious & quiet message of what felt just for me of “she’s not mad at you for looking”. I felt a little relieved & comforted.

At this point, Amy asked if Deb could help Calogera “cross over”. I voiced my support for that idea, because at this point, I was almost in tears hearing how sad Calogera’s life had been. I felt so sorry for her and wanted to see the suffering end.

Deb, Amy & I went upstairs to the 2nd floor of the building. The manager had told us we could look around as much as we wanted. He apologized for not being able to show us the 3rd floor where the bedrooms had been, as they’d been turned into small apartments for the staff. No problem, the 2nd floor was large & spacious and we had dad’s description of the original layout. The changes included a set of sliding doors that separated the space into front & back areas. A huge bar flanked one wall and there were a couple of couches set along the other walls. Amy & I sat down together on the couch across from the bar and waited for Deb to work her magic!

Deb sat down on the couch under the front window & closed her eyes. She sat there for about 5 minutes and from time to time, you could hear her ask a question of someone or speak as if she was giving instructions. We heard a LOUD crash and thought that a number of glass racks had fallen in the big closet behind the bar. Immediately after, Deb stands up and says “she’s gone”!

We get up & start to move downstairs when Amy asks Deb if the crash was Calogera crossing over. Deb responds “what crash?” Amy then asks if she’s sure that Calogera has crossed over. Deb says something like “well, let me see”. Standing, she closes her eyes and asks the question “who do you serve?” She asks this a couple more times and then starts to speak in a foreign tongue that neither Amy nor I recognized. About a minute later she opens her eyes and says, “yep, all gone”!

Just like that, Calogera had crossed over. I can only imagine how happy Antonino was to see her AND have high hopes that she’s found the peace & happiness that she felt as a child.

We return downstairs, ask them if they heard the crash (they did) and tell everyone that Deb was successful in helping Calogera cross over.

I realized that the pub was pretty empty, except for the manager Ben, and a family of four that had wandered in to escape the rainy weather. Ben’s curiosity for history on the building was enormous and as with most people, found my mom & dad to be incredibly interesting to listen & talk to. He would have loved us to stay all day. We thanked the family of four for being patient with us and they expressed how much they enjoyed listening to the stories – and thanked us for sharing!

We spent the rest of the afternoon at home, calling both of my dad’s sisters to share the experience. All agreed, “The Trip to Nonna’s House” had been worth the wait!

** See More Notes Below **

When I started planning our family reunion for October 2018, it seemed fitting that we would hold it at Nonna’s House. Unfortunately, Fiddlers Green had a small fire in July 2018 and has been closed for repairs since. Ben, the manager that was there the day we visited, shared his story with me this past summer . . .

It was a lousy day outside and I was sure we’d have no business that day. Business had been pretty slow for months and there were days when it just seemed easier to shut down, rather than stay open to serve a few customers. It took everything in me to even unlock the doors that day. Just when I’m thinking of locking up, this polite, old guy sticks his head in the door and asks if we’re open. I grudgingly say yes and invite him to sit down. He starts to tell me that his family is on their way and that his grandmother used to own this house.   Ben goes on to explain that that day is one of his favorite days of his life. He was fascinated by the pictures and the stories and loved talking to all of us – especially my dad & mom (no surprise there). Ben & I have stayed in touch and he’s looking forward to hosting us for a family gathering in the future. I’ve promised to bring him some family photos and he’s promised to hang them proudly & prominently in Fiddlers Green!

Some side notes & observations . . .

When Calogera came to America in 1901, she was 28 years old. Her immigration record shows that she came with a 10 month old baby, named Ignazio Marino. That immigration record also shows that she was married. I’ve subsequently found a census records that states Calogera was first married at 21 (7 years before immigrating) and Antonino at 26 (1 year after immigrating). If the census is correct, they were both married BEFORE marrying each other: Calogero in Sicily and Antonino after coming to America. Antonino & Calogera both changed their names in America after getting married (since their marriage certificate shows Antonino’s name in Latin and Calogera’s given name at birth); baby Ignazio became Emilio Marinello (known as Uncle Red to my Dad’s generation).

The family story goes something like this: Calogera was married in Italy and she had a baby (Ignazio) with this husband. Somehow (war or an accident) the husband died and Calogera & the baby then came to New York (America) in 1901. Somehow (no one seems to know how) Calogera & the baby made their way to San Francisco, where she met & married Antonino (in 1902) and they had 10 children together. **We also have no idea of when & how Antonino got from New York to San Francisco OR what name he may have been using after he arrived in 1897.

Another story says that Calogera always kept a picture of her first “husband” on the mantle and referred to him as “the love of my life”. It was always believed and assumed that the father of baby Ignazio was both this first husband and the love of her life.

Through my travels & research, I discovered that Calogera & Antonino knew each other in Sicily (in fact, it’s highly likely they grew up together, as they were born & lived in a small neighborhood, just 2 houses apart). While I successfully obtained birth certificates from City Hall in Sciacca for Antonino & Calogera, I could find NO documents for either Calogera’s marriage or baby, Iganzio’s birth. I used multiple dates / years in the search, as records for Ignazio (Emilio) in the U.S. show differing dates for his birth. Still no luck. **By the way, it was not uncommon in those days for immigrants to have differing dates on naturalization applications, draft cards, marriage records & death certificates (I’ve found plenty of examples).

My conclusion . . .

Whether you believe in psychics, the afterlife, or the ability to talk with those that have crossed over – there are some interesting things to consider when you compare:

·       The information Deb shared with us that day

·       The facts I’ve uncovered through my ancestry work

·       The family stories that have been passed down

1.       More than likely Calogera was never married in Sicily. I believe baby Ignazio was born at home and was illegitimate. Calogera was born & lived her early life in a traditional Catholic society that would have frowned upon an unmarried woman giving birth. The ancestry woman I hired in Sicily said that in those days (late 1800s/early 1900s) Calogera was have been shunned and vehemently told to give the baby up for adoption (or even abandoned on church steps).

2.       Calogera claimed that she met the “love of her life” when she was 11 or 12 and that her happy life ended at 12 or 13.   She had her first child at 26 or 27 (before coming to America) – the baby could not have been the child of the “love of her life” that she met in her early teens.

3.       A strong commitment to the church (left over from her upbringing in Sicily) was probably the only thing she felt would give her peace in an unwanted, unplanned life in America. Her disposition (thought to be hard, unyielding and even unloving to some) is easy to understand if you believe any of the stories she told through the psychic. Besides, if she really did know Antonino in Sicily – the speed in which they got married after Calogera arrived in America – makes more sense than meeting & falling in love (especially with a child of another man in tow). I believe she was sent to Antonino by her family.

4.       There’s always been rumors that the family was involved with the mob. I think most of the family thought it was kind of a joke – kind of family lore. After hearing the stories from Antonino through the psychic, I think it makes a lot of sense. How do you buy a house without help when you arrive in America with $11 to your name (shown on his immigration document)? Why would the head of a household with 10 children take his own life? And how would a psychic pick up on so much love for God from a man who rarely attended church in life?

5.       The stories gave me a new appreciation for & understanding of Calogera’s life. As a modern woman, who’s had endless opportunities & choice in life, it’s hard not to feel compassion towards someone that had so little control over her own. I thank my Great Grandmother for forging a path so those of us after her could thrive.

6.       And lastly, Antonino’s “enlightenment” was a revelation for me. One that reinforced my quest for self-learnings to uncover “my best life” and to help me realize that we can always change our direction – we just need to do it when necessary – and believe in ourselves when doing it. Besides, it’s nice to know if we don’t – that a wonderful afterlife is waiting for us all!

October 12, 2018
Appreciation

Many of you know that I’ve been meditating almost daily for the past couple of years. My BFF, Sue, turned me onto an application called Headspace – and I’ve been a devotee ever since. I will hit my 500th day in a row (with no interruptions) next week and I will do it completing a pack called “Appreciation”. It seemed fitting to do this pack for the 3rd time while I was on this trip.

Today, Andy (the brain & voice behind Headspace), suggested that we start to write down appreciations, rather than just feel or hear them in our mind. He says it solidifies the concept in the mind and helps us live with more appreciation in our lives.

Every day in meditation, I ask myself . . “Who or what do you appreciate most in your life”? You have to ask this in the 2nd person, like you’re asking someone else, and then just sink into breath & wait for an answer or more importantly, a feeling.

I’m starting this post at the end of a 24 hour Good Friday Celebration in Trapani – so it seems particularly apropos so close to Easter and the concept of re-birth (no, I haven’t become religious while in this very devout Catholic country, but some can’t help but sink in)

So here’s my list . . . . .

My sister, Amy. She not only knows when and how to give a pep talk, she does it without making me feel guilty or questioning my choices. She knows where to direct my energy when I’m faltering and reminds me to watch for signs from the universe that help put me back on track.

Time! It’s amazing that my life choices & journey to this point have availed me an incredible gift of time. Time to reflect, time to enjoy, time to think, time to experience. Thank you, time.

My body, especially my feet! I remember the pain I felt before my hip surgeries and how hard it was to get back in shape. I also remember traveling at other times in my life that I haven’t been in as good of shape as I am now – physically and/or mentally – and it was hard.   While I’m tired as I come to the end of my 4th week of this 5 week trip, I truly appreciate my body for sticking with me and carrying me through. My feet get a special badge of appreciation for carrying me SO many miles as I’ve explored cities, ancient ruins, wharfs, waterfronts & beaches.

My husband, Scott. I appreciate that you recognized how badly I needed to come here, even though you probably didn’t understand why. Thank you for holding down the fort & taking care of our big, old, needy house! And of course, for your patience with the time zone differences so we could stay connected on the new phone & amp-ed up international plan that you gave me!!

My parents. For every email, every conversation, and every check-in that are all filled with unconditional excitement & support for all that I’m doing.   Your enthusiasm is infectious and fuels me on!

Friends you meet while traveling. My new friends, Vincenzo & Shelia, from Liverno, Tuscana (Liverno is a beach town south of Pisa in Tuscany) welcomed me to their table on the boat, spent the day trying hard to communicate with me in broken English / Italian and invited & treated me to dinner. I appreciate their friendship & the memories of a wonderful Easter Sunday in Sicily!

Gelato! How can you not appreciate something that so innocently makes you smile & say “yum” at the same time. I appreciate gelato SO much, that’s I’ve taken to following my mom & Scott’s example and often having it more than once a day! Brava!!

Tuna, but only if it’s fished & canned in Sicily AND packed in really, good Sicilian olive oil! I went to the Museo Tonno on Favignana (Tuna Museum on the beautiful island of Favignana off of Trapani) and saw how the tuna were fishedup until 10 years ago. These fishermen were craftsmen & dedicated to their traditional ways. I will never look at a can of tuna the same way. If you want to learn more about this extraordinary process. . check out

A Health Food Bar in Trapani. Today, I’m not feeling that great. I’m a little tired of eating pasta every day and my stomach’s a little wigged out from too much sugar (gelato & pastries every day DOES catch up eventually). What could be better than a fresh salad and yogurt with fruit for dessert all prepared by a family from France? They even spoke English! Today – I appreciate that you can find a little fresh light food, just when you need it, amidst all this wonderful rich Sicilian food.

Young men who’s mamma’s raised them right! Today, I moved from a 3nd floor room in Trapani to a 2nd floor room in Noto. I won’t even elaborate on the details of getting into these rooms – but suffice to say there were a LOT of stairs & really, uneven cobblestone streets. I appreciate both Paolo & Salvo who happily & gallantly carried my bags to & from the car. Maybe they were taking pity on an old gal – but I’m pretty sure it had more to do with their Sicilian Mamma’s – who raised them right!

Ear Plugs. Always carry them with you when you travel. You never know how many dogs might stay up all night barking or how early the stone breaking construction will begin in the morning.

A Good Lavanderia. These little gems have kept my clothes clean & smelling fresh during the entire trip. The staff never seems to speak enough English, my Italian tutor & I didn’t practice the phrases to ask for wash & dry only, and I never do get a ticket for pick-up (one of the few “trust me” systems in Sicily) – but I always seem to get all my clothes back, when promised, for a really good price!

Headspace – my meditation program. I’ve been mediating now for the better part of 2 years and today, I hit my 500th day in a row. I appreciate Headspace today & every day for helping me to get focused & unplug from whatever is happening in my day / life. The feeling of “centering”, even if it’s just 20 minutes, creates a happy place for me each day.

Hearing & speaking the English language throughout an entire dinner! Yep, new friends from California, joined me for dinner and we spoke English-American with a little Aussie thrown in, and it was wonderful! After almost 5 weeks of “trying” to speak Italian, I appreciate the English language more now than I ever have.

A really comfortable bed. When you’re away from home, you often think about your own bed. When you’re away this long, you just hope you’ll be able to get “some” sleep on the weird sheets, in a strange room, in a place with unusual noises. But when you get to a place that has a bed that’s so scrumptious that you think about foregoing tourist things for the day and just staying in that bed – well, that’s true, unadulterated appreciation for sure!

The GPS. I know, I know, I’ve done my fair share of bitching about the GPS – but today, I appreciate it more than I can say. I appreciate the fact that it brought me right to coordinates N 37 00.321 / E 14 33.005 (even if instinctively it felt like it was taking me on a wild ride). Without GPS, I have NO idea how I would have found this place, even with a detailed map!

Italian Cooks! Because all they really want to do is feed you. All I said was, “where is a restaurant where I can get some lunch”?!? She smiles & says, I’ll make you some bruschetta & formaggi. I appreciate a woman that just wants to be sure you get enough to eat. What I assumed would be a snack was 4 huge rounds of mozzarella with tomatoes & greens; thin slices of smoked salmon dressed with lemon sitting on greens; two kinds of bruschetta, plus grilled bread slices; fresh bread; salami pistachios; 2 kinds of hard cheese; fresh fruit salad; and a beautiful piece of cake! Enough said. My heart swells when I think of Federica!

Agritourism. What a marvelous invention. Take an old farm or villa or winery – restore it to its original (or better) grandeur and turn into a magnificent vacation destination. Include: cozy (and often upscale) rooms, amazing food, free-flowing wine, great surroundings, peace & quiet, and a bunch of cute animals and wow, have you created nirvana! Extra points if your family has owned the place for generations and there’s really good stories to share. And guaranteed, a rating of 10 on booking.com or airBnB.com, if you & your staff provide such a great experience that the guests don’t want to leave and cry when they do!!! I stayed at 3 of these establishments in Sicily and I’d go back to any of them in a heartbeat.

Europeans. Bless these wise & worldly people! They know better than we, that America is the greatest & most resilient democracy in the history of the world – and while they don’t like Trump’s outbursts or policies, they know that this is just a blip in our amazing legacy & strength as a nation. Plus: listening to Germans, Swiss, Macedonian & Dutch citizens talk about the French election affirmed my belief that we are all citizens of the world – not just a single nation.

Pistachio Gelato! I truly don’t know if God invented gelato or even guided someone here on earth to do it – BUT – it is the single best food on the planet. Made with those Bronte pistachios and really, really good milk, it can truly transform your day (if not your life)! Truly!!

A good rental car. I had two different cars on this trip and together they carried me safety & dependably from Rome to every corner of the island of Sicily. It would not have been the same trip had I done on trains or planes.

Sherine. My old college friend who agreed to accompany me on the first 2 weeks of this trip. She truly allowed me to plan the trip of my dreams and was more than happy to go anywhere and do anything that I wanted to. She never complained, supported my crazy quests to find the Sclafani Palazzo in Palermo, served as my co-pilot & GPS programmer, and helped me build the confidence to do the additional 3 weeks on my own.

Sicily . . oh Sicily – how I appreciate your landscape, your harbors, your people, your food & wine, your hospitality and all the glory of the history that has shaped you into the most amazing place that I have ever been.

And lastly . . . thank you to my paternal great grandparents, Calogera Sclafani & Antonino Graffeo, for immigrating to the United States. I would not be here, nor would I have had the amazing opportunity or the desire to visit Sicily, if you’d not presented me with a story to explore. I appreciate the sacrifices you must have made and the hardships you must have endured to give all of us Rafello’s – a chance to be.

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**Footnote: This post was started sometime during week 4 of my trip. I continued to add to it after I got home and finished with this last entry today, June 7th. This morning I hit 547 consecutive days in my meditation practice and a have racked up 749 sessions, totaling 221 hours over the past 2 years. It’s changed my life in many ways – maybe most importantly in the area of Appreciation. I know how special my life is, how fortunate I am, and how loved I am – and I plan to never take those things for granted.

June 8, 2017
Lazy Saturday in Sciacca . .

. . . well . . . kind of!

April 8

This morning I wake up to the coo of doves and a little street noise – and it’s Saturday in Sciacca. I don’t have much planned today – EXCEPT a visit with Guiseppe Graffeo (who we believe to be a close relative) and I’ve decided to take it a bit easy. Truth be told, I’m finding I need to pace myself. Travel for this long is exhausting and I am sure that I didn’t really think about that when I set up my itinerary . . so I’m forcing myself “to pace”.

I take my time getting out of bed & turn on the news. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it, but it’s really hard to get English speaking channels here – so I’ve been without TV (which is fine) and news (a little less tolerable since the election when I became an absolute news junky). Besides, I wanted an update on the terror attack in Sweden which broke while I was buying deodorant (10 Euro deodorant!) in the farmacia yesterday. So my choices are BBC Worldwide (but it’s morning so they’re doing fluff pieces on the artificial intelligence devices like Amazon’s Alexis) and Fox News (now, this if painful, but it’s still Friday night in the US and I’m getting the evening feed live). So, I got my news peppered with conservative commentary – but heck, I can do my own interpretation!!

I get out of bed & take my time primping in the bathroom (Scott would love how long I took – really) and get dressed. I go downstairs to have some breakfast. I find a tray of yummy baked goods and two things filled with pistachio curd or cream (not sure what the technical term is, but I could swim in this stuff). I opt for the cornetto (croissant) because I had the donut looking one yesterday – and some pineapple, kiwi & strawberries that are all sprinkled with (you guessed it) pistachios! The nice gal makes me some English breakfast tea and I finish up with a carton of yogurt & some more fruit. Pretty happy indeed! (Honestly, I would have had another cornetto, but I’m going to hit the pasticceria this afternoon to stock up on biscuits (cookies).

I go back to my room, brush my teeth and try to get onto ancestry.com to attempt to find a little more about Graffeo family – but find the internet is not cooperating (what a surprise)! I decide to just relax on my balcony in the sun, as it’s about 66 degrees already and the sky is clear.

**Note – it’s 1:20pm now and I’m writing this sitting on my balcony and I just heard (and saw) a horse pulling a cart down the “marble & cobblestoney” street. Funny! It is Palm Sunday tomorrow – and the town is in prep mode for this big Catholic celebration. I’m pretty sure the horse & cart had something to do with that!

About 10:20, I go downstairs to find Rosy & Michele (my ancestry peeps) waiting for me & Senore Graffeo – who arrives promptly at 10:30 and he is a cutey (reminds me SO much of my grandpa Rafello).

The next hour is wild!! This Guiseppe Graffeo goes by the nickname of Pippo. Pippo is talking a mile a minute in Sicilian and he’s got all kinds of family lore. Rosy is translating as fast as she can for me! We show Pippo the family tree and he gets excited to see the Graffeo’s and the Sclafani’s and says “they are all cousins”! Rosy focuses him on the Graffeo side and he starts to make notations. It sounds like there’s a good possibility that this guy is closely related. His grandfather Accursio may have been a brother of Antonino (my great grandfather) or at the very least a first cousin. Accursio lived on the same street that both of my great grandparents did as well (Vicino San Lorenzo). He knows about some of the relatives going to America and even remembers stories of some . . he wants to know the names of the children of Antonino (Tony) & Calogera (Linda) and starts to laugh at all the “Americanized names” . . . even the “Rafello” change makes him smile & laugh!

Next he talks about the great Graffeo’s – and the fact that they were Greek. We all apparently come from this Graffeo patriarch (can’t remember his nickname, but it translated close to “Papa of All”) and he built a castle in Partanna in the province of Trapani (I’ll go next week to see it). According to Pippo, Graffeo’s are all short, ARTISTIC, smart & important. The ones that went to American became very successful – the fisherman that stayed here are no longer poor – and most have gone on to be great artists & doctors. While a huge majority of those still in Sicily live in Sciacca, there are Graffeos spread all over the island. He’s added me to a facebook page called “Graffeos Around the World”. And get this – they are having a big Graffeo Family Reunion this August at Partanna Castle – to meet each other & EAT! So Rafello’s – who wants to come???????

Rosy told Pippo we had some challenges with the lady at city hall records yesterday and it turns out that he works kind of with city hall – so he has connections. He’s picking me up on Monday morning on his way to work to take me in there to ask for some favors. Hopefully, I’ll get a little farther with Senora Ventimiglia!!

How exciting – Pippo – a new family member in Sicily!! Here’s a picture of Pippo & me . . .

I return upstairs and do a little email & just laze in the sun – as I wait for the noon hour to pick up my laundry. I walk to the Lavanderia and a little girl greets me. I say “Ciao” and ask if Lina is here? She runs back to find her Mom; her name is Sara. Lina tells me that Sara is just starting to study English in school – but everything I say to Sara just makes her stare at me like I’m some sort of alien. I ask her if English is hard and she just looks at me – like “why are you talking to me in English”. I say “grazi mille” to Lina, grab my 11 Euro laundry (great deal!) and I’m off.

As I walk up the stairs, I’m thinking I’m a bit hungry. There’s cold pizza from last night in the fridge but I see a little shop that has fresh fruits & veggies. I need water – so I go in. They have cheese & bread too – why not? I grab a .255 kilo piece of prima sale with pepperoncino (a young cheese – pressed but made only 6 days ago – with red pepper flakes) and a loaf of really good sesame bread & two 2 liter bottles of water – TOTAL: 4.10 Euro. When I return to the B&B, I hit the balcony and eat about 1/3 of the cheese & bread and a cold piece of last night’s pizza. I think about opening a bottle of wine – but I’m going to write – so I’ll hold off until tonight. Besides, I’m going to need to hit the pasticceria for those sweets and more than likely will need an afternoon gelato – so I’ll hold off eating more. **The post picture is my lunch buffet!

Back to writing . . .

3:55pm and I’m still writing – but I have gotten 2 messages from Pippo. He says on Monday evening he’s presenting the Nobel Family of Graffeo’s coat of arms at the Rotary . . very important indeed. He adds – he’s set up a meeting for me for Monday morning with the Minister of Culture who will help me with the family search – this guy’s got connections – he can even set up meetings on Saturday! I’ve just spent the last 20 minutes downloading & configuring Google Translator for offline use so I can communicate with this important minister, not waste his time, and really find out more about the family. All GREAT!

Time for a break. . . off to pastry shop for afternoon treats!

A 6 minute walk through the old streets of Sciacca and I find Pasticceria Gelateria Dolci Sapori . . damn, it’s closer than I thought (too easy to go back every day!). They don’t really have biscuits, but do have all these gorgeous treats and . . well, I did say I wanted to load up. I go for a piece of cassata cake, two canoli, a pistachio thing & another tart looking thing. Of course, the gelato is calling & it’s after 4pm – so it’s OK to have one before dinner. I go for strawberry (I usually am a nut woman -but heck, gotta go with the pink today) and I wonder why I’ve stayed away from my favorite childhood flavor (used to eat JUST the strawberry in the neopolitan ice cream) for so long. It is INCREDIBLE. I walk back to the hotel slowly (but trying to avoid fast cars coming at me on the narrow streets) completely enjoying my cone. I decide to take the long way back, winding through old streets & alleys to “work off” the gelato and the pastries I’m sure to be eating later. All that cost me a mere 6 Euro . . don’t you love the food prices in Sicily?? I do!

I come back & call Scott on Viber. We do some book work, catch up on what he’s been doing at the house, and talk about my visit with Pippo this morning. I turn the camera on my gorgeous hotel room, balcony AND the sweets – and decide to enjoy one of the canoli on his behalf (with him watching). He’s jealous and says it’s time to eat some breakfast. Then I Viber with Amy and share the Pippo story with her too.

Around 7pm, I’m thinking about, “thinking about dinner” – but I’m just not hungry. Maybe that canolo filled me up? I know I need some vegetables – but I just can’t bring myself to eat dinner.

I decide to meditate on the balcony with the sun setting and find it one of the best I’ve had on my trip.

I come back in & do a little more writing and realize it’s close to 9pm and determine, I’m just not going to go out this evening to eat or do anything else.

Mom checks in on my message earlier regarding Pippo – and I give Mom & Dad a quick call (using real cell phone minutes) and give them an update about this morning & the update about the minister of culture and they are thrilled! They also are flabbergasted at how much Pippo looks like my Dad’s father and his brothers. Family indeed!

So – I’m going to sign off now and watch the Tonight Show. Yes, finally found something in English and it’s got Jay Leno co-starring or guest-starring or whatever. He & Jimmy together will quench my thirst for English.

I think I’ll put on some pajamas, watch the boys, and eat the piece of cassata for dinner! Why not? I watched a 6 year old kid eat an entire Nutella pizza for dinner last night. Dessert for dinner? If it’s good enough for the kid, it’s good enough for me!

**Note to Alex & Sienna: I know what sugar addicts you both are – and I’m sorry you’re not here to share all these treats with me. We’d be eating gelato & pastries all day – every day! Miss you guys 😊

April 15, 2017
Meet Cugino Pippo!

Also known as: Ancestry Day

April 7

One of the website’s I came across while planning this trip had a great section on family ancestry. Turns out Sicily has the BEST ancestry records of any country in the world. It claimed that most countries can go back to the mid 1700s – Sicily to the early 1600s and in many cases, earlier than that.

I found this lady named Rosy Bartolotta and she does these ancestry field trips for clients. Basically, she does research on the family using any information you have and then sets up a day taking you through the famiglia town. I was interested and called Dad to tell him about it – and kind of extorted the $400 fee out of him!

I sent Rosy a big old summary of the family history, as I know it. She was interested in the children born in American and asked for all their names and birthdates. Apparently, Italian immigrants used to send this info back home to complete the very thorough history that they keep on everyone. Unfortunately, I never found any evidence that this happened with our family.

Rosy and her husband, Michele (Michael), pick me up bright & early and our first stop is to hit the City Hall and the Department of Birth Records. (Let me pause here to tell you that Rosy is originally from Detroit, an American and has been living in Sicily {outside Palermo} for 38 years. Her husband, Michele, is Sicilian and while he doesn’t speak English, he understands all of it! These two are like the Bickersons – kind of a common theme that I’ve observed in Sicilian relationships. The woman nags and then thehusband snaps back and then he just does what his wife says anyway. It’s their way and it works!)

Senora Ventimiglia at birth records knows we’re coming, as Rosy has both written to her & called her to let her know we are coming. She has already pulled birth certificates for both Antonino & Calogera using the birthdates that I sent. While I already have Antonino’s from my parents trip to Sciacca 20+ years ago, the one for Calogera is new & kind of a gold mine! First piece of news, her father was Accursio Sclafani and her mother was Francesca Sabella. Exciting for Dad to hear – as he now knows we’re related to the Sabella’s – which he’s always heard but never knew any details. Mystery solved there.

Rosy asks to see “the books” so we go to the back. VERY COOL BOOKS! These are OLD – and include details (rich, long, documented details) about the birth of every child. They describe the parents: how old they were at birth, where they lived when the baby was born, their occupations, their parents (baby’s grandparents) and other cool stuff. They write the name of the baby and its birthdate in themargin and fill in the details in the big column. When someone gets married and/or dies, the margin is updated with the spouse & date of marriage info AND date & place of death. I saw these books and both Antonino & Calogera’s margins only showed births – no other details – apparently that’s what you find when people immigrated . . the trail kind of goes cold.

BUT – and this is a big but – these details answered a whole bunch of questions and give us a whole bunch of information that we haven’t had up to this point.

So – here’s what I found out!

Antonino . . born to Vincenzo Graffeo & Accursia Fauci. Vincenzo was 32 years old and Accursia was 30 years old when he was born. Puts them born about 1840 & 1842 respectively. Vincenzo was a fisherman and so was his father. Vincenzo’s father: Calogero Graffeo. Accursia’s father was Antonino Fauci; by the way, he was a fisherman too! We’d have to pull Vincenzo & Accursia’s birth records to find out their mothers – but we’ve got a confirmed generation back! And more details to go on for the next generation back if we want to go there.

Calogera . . born to Accursio Sclafani & Francesca Sabella. Accursio was 48 years old and Francesca was 37 years old when she was born – quite old in those days – and more than guarantees that Calogera had many brothers & sisters. She was probably a “whoops” baby! I’m taking some poetic license here 😊. Puts them born about 1825 & 1836 respectively. Accursio’s father was Calogero and Francesca’s father was Stefano. Again, another generation back confirmed – and we could go another by pulling some birth records to get the mothers.

Get this – all these men were fishermen TOO!!! Confirmed – fishing came down in the blood to my grandfather, Vincent Sr. and Carl & Tony’s dad (Vincent’s brother) Augutus (aka Cuci) from many generations back.

Interesting to see so many Calogero(a) and Accursio(a) names throughout the family tree. And Pippo (see other Sciacca posts for reference) says that Augusto was “Americanized” for Accursio.

But here’s what may be the most interesting find! Vincenzo & Calogera were born & lived on the SAME STREET – and it’s a small street – I’ve been there multiple times! The locals call this section of town the the “Fisherman’s Area” and you can wind down little streets to the wharf in about 5 minutes. Antonino’s family lived in 17 Vicolo San Lorenzo and Calogera’s family lived in 11 Vicolo San Lorenzo. These families knew each other, they fished together, their kids would have played together. Antonino & Calogera KNEW EACH OTHER before they came to America. This is new, NEWS . . we always thought they had met in San Francisco – but it’s clear that’s not the case.

This of course, opens up a lot of new questions. Like why did each of them leave Sicily (even though everyone over here claims that everyone was leaving) there may be more to it – if you want to speculate.

Rosy says it’s very interesting that Antonino would marry Calogera because she already had a child – and that just WASN’T done. There is no record of Calogera ever being married, so was this baby illegitimate? Family lore is that she was married to a man that died and had the baby with him (we know he exists, he was my Dad’s Uncle Red and he came into the country on his mom’s immigration record under the name Ignazio Marino). We did some searching under Marino & Marinello and the names Ignazio & Emilio (the name he used in the States) and could find NO birth record for him in 1898, 1899, 1900 or 1901. (Strangely, his death and naturalization records show different birthdates, both which would make him about 2 or 3 years old at immigration but the immigration record lists him as a 10 month old baby upon entry). Strange indeed. We never did look for him as Ignazio Sclafani, which would have been how he was listed if he was born illegitimately – so that could lead us to a real answer. Matters not – we will probably never have that answer.

What is interesting is a couple of things. Family lore says that Calogera kept a picture of Red’s father on the mantle her whole life & that she called this man the love of her life. Did she leave to get away from scandal? Was this man already married? Also interesting that is Antonino & Calogera knew each other – could their families have arranged this marriage? Antonino was already in the States and maybe Calogera was sent to him. Maybe they met in New York and moved to San Francisco to start anew. Maybe Antonino was just a nice guy and wanted to help out an old friend. Maybe living in the new world would erase any worries about what people thought. Again, matters not – chances are we will never know. But . . it’s interesting to think about.

A couple of years ago, we found out that there’s a lot of scandal in my Mom’s father’s family. It was fun & interesting to learn, but left us with lots of unanswered questions. And while we knew about some of the family scandals in my Dad’s father’s generation, it’s interesting to see that there were probably some doozies in the previous generation as well. Sad to know . . . we’ll never know.

Rosy’s request for the names of brothers & sisters gets Senora Ventimiglia riled up and we’re turned away. Books slammed shut!

We head out on our tour of the city. First up, the “mother church” – a grand place in the center of town that Rosy claims all children would have been baptized at. I took a picture of the altar – quite grand! We swing by Vicolo San Lorenzo, a little tiny street not far from the waterfront. Michele takes my picture in front of the street sign and Rosy & I walk down to check out the addresses. Antonino’s #17 is clearly there and I snapped a couple of pics for you. #11 – Calogera’s place is missing. I see a renovation in motion that looks to be two places brought together and decide that must have been it since the numbers around it work. **Note: On a subsequent visit, I realize #11 has been combined with #13 into a little B&B. There’s a church that’s locked up right by the B&B called “Ex Chiesa San Lorenzo” – the church of San Lorenzo – and I’m sure IT IS where the kids were baptized!

Vicolo San Lorenzo Neighborhood

Next stop – the harbor. I need Rosy to be able to communicate with the fisherman and ask them questions for me. They are more than obliging. When they find out that I come from Graffeo & Sclafani roots, they send someone to “get a Sclafani” – he comes back & talks fast Sicilian for about 15 minutes. Turns out there are still lots of Sclafani’s in the fishing industry, but they are out fishing right now. I should come back about 3:30 or 4:00 because I look exactly like someone that’s on this boat that will come in to this spot later today. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it back and missed that opportunity. No matter, this was great fun and I enjoyed getting pictures with the helpful chaps!

Rosy wants to take me to a couple of tourist attractions – the thermal baths, the church of San Calogero (way up on the hill) and this museum that has cool statues (it was closed). I want to go to the cemetery – so we go. **Getting to the cemetery is a story in itself. Suffice to say, we probably stopped and asked directions 8 times. When I asked Michele why he didn’t just put it into the GPS, he said in Sicilian “because my wife will get mad at me” and Rosy translates for me . . Michele smiles & rolls his eyes!

The “clerk” at the cemetery just rolls his eyes & waves his hand when Rosy asks if there are any Graffeo’s or Sclafani’s buried there. It’s as if he’s saying, “Yeah right – where else would they all be?” I ask if I can just wander for a while and Rosy says, “take all the time you need”. I try to go into Amy mode – talking to Calogera / Linda / Nonna and asking for her to guide me in. Then I start talking to the whole family, saying “show me where they are” and I continue to walk up & down rows. I see LOTS of Graffeo’s and even more Sclafani’s – but they are all the wrong time period – too current. Finally, I come to this very large cement slab and realize it’s a crypt. (Rosy’s told me that Sicilian’s don’t like to be buried under the ground which is why all the crypts are above ground – even the single graves look like sarcophagi {Scott – that is one of those weird plurals for words that end in S – gotta use the I that you like so much!!}. This is the burial place for six members of the Fauci Family and I’m sure I’ve found the grave of Antonino’s maternal family. Unfortunately, as I return to the car, I realize that I found Accursio Fauci, the male version of the name, when what I thought I had found was Accursia Fauci, his mother. Darn!

A few minutes later, Michele is calling loudly to me to come to where he’s standing. I thought they were ready to leave, but instead, Rosy says “I think I’ve found the baby’s father”. Now, I should mention that Rosy has been kind of obsessed with “finding that baby” since our search for Uncle Red’s birth certificate has turned up nothing. So, when she finds a grave for Ignazio Marino, born the year after Calogero (1874), she is over the moon. There’s a picture, clear as day, and she asks me if Red looked like him. Well, I’ve maybe seen Red’s picture once or twice and certainly don’t remember what he looks like, so I’ll have to send it to my parents. I don’t have internet and they are asleep, so it will have to wait. Cemetery visit is over!

We’re driving around town and come across the Graffeo Palace but can’t pull over so Michele goes up a couple of blocks & stops traffic while I get out, run back & snap a few shots. After that we decide to get some lunch and they ask me what I like. I say I eat anything and Rosy says she has this restaurant that they love here in Sciacca (actually she had pointed it out earlier when we went to City Hall) but says it’s gotten expensive. I say that I don’t mind, if they want to go there, let’s go. We do and when the menu comes, she says again, how expensive this place has gotten. I decide I’m buying lunch either way. I order a salad and risotto and they order a pasta dish to share. And then she mentions that they know the owner but that she’s sure he’s not here at lunch time. About that time, the owner notices them and comes over to say hello. He greets them & then me- and Rosy tells him I don’t really speak Italian and that I’m looking for my family. He asks the name and she tells him Graffeo & Sclafani. He says he knows a Graffeo and calls him on the phone. They get to talking and it turns out that he just might be related because he knows Vicolo San Lorenzo, his grandfather lived on that street. We ask if he can come over and I’ll buy him lunch – but he’s out of town today and can’t. He asks where I’m staying and says he’ll come by to meet me at 10:30am the next morning. Bingo – we may have a hit!

The restaurant owner mentions that this Graffeo guy really doesn’t speak English, so I’m a little concerned that we won’t get very far, as is Rosy. She says a few times, maybe we should come back tomorrow. I say, I would love that and if I pay for their gas, she’ll come. I ask if 50 Euro will do it – and it works, they come back the next morning. And that’s how we found cousin, Pippo!

The next morning, Guiseppe Graffeo walks into the lobby of the B&B and I get goose bumps. I know he’s family, he reminds me so much of my grandfather and his brother Cuci. He’s got my Dad’s smile & his friendliness and he’s so excited to meet me. He begins talking so fast, with lots of facts, and Rosy is working hard to translate . . even Michele has gotten into the act and is translating some stuff to English for me (seems he can speak English when he wants to!). Pippo’s looking at the family tree we’ve drawn with all the new information we got yesterday and draws his own branch on the picture. He’s pretty sure his grandfather, Accursio, was Antonino’s brother which would put him on the same generational level as my Dad. I never did ask how old he is, but I’d put Pippo at late 60s, early 70s, and my Dad was born to the oldest son of Antonino & Calogera – so very possible they ARE of the same generation.

He asks for my contact info and we take a few pictures. He’s smiling and hugging me and giving me those famous air-kisses and I’m so excited that we may have found a real family connection – one of the main reasons I made this trip.

Within an hour, I have a wonderful email from him – all in Italian – so I plug it into Google Translator only to find that he’s set up this meeting for Monday with the Minister of Culture and they will help me further with the search.

Wonderful, sweet messages continue for the next couple of days and he gets into the Google Translator mode and we’re sending real messages back & forth. One says – “you have the smile, the joy of the GRAFFEO family”. Another sends hugs to all my beautiful family and “hopes I will return one day so he can introduce me to the history, the art, the beauty of our city Sciacca”. A dear man for sure!

Just for the record and according to Pippo . . . Graffeo’s are Greek, originally from Pratanna (province of Trapani), SHORT, very smart, important and ARTISTIC! The ones that went to America did well for themselves and the fisherman that stayed are no longer poor!

Finding Guiseppe (Pippo) Graffeo, PRICELESS!

Meeting Rosy & Michele . . worth every bit of that $400, Dad!!

Click Here for More Pictures

April 15, 2017
Sciacca . . oh Sciacca!

April 6 – 11

This post is for my Dad . . and my Aunt Shirley, my Uncle Nino, mia Tia Em-meh (aka: Auntie M), Cousin Carl, Dean, Amy, my cousin Nick (who kind of kick-started this journey for me when he gave me custody of his ancestry.com account) and all the rest of my “Rafello” cousins.

I truly wish you could have all been with me for the 6 days I spent in Sciacca. It was an amazing exploration of this beautiful city and a look into how Nonno & Nonna (aka: Antonino Graffeo & Calogera Sclafani– aka: Tony Rafello & Linda Rafello), and their families, may have lived before they immigrated to the United States. I walked & photographed the town for days. I talked to so many people, who when I told I had family that came from Sciacca, became super friendly and wanted details. I focused on the old town, as that would have been all that was here when Antonino & Calogera lived here. The outskirts grew up, I’m sure, after they left – as is evidenced by the 4 & 5 story apartments homes that scatter the hills around the old city.

You’ll have to read my post “Meet Cugino Pippo” for more details on what I found out about the family, but this post is really about getting you familiar with the city itself. Sciacca is beautiful: architecturally, culturally, artistically & gastronomically. In hindsight, I wish I had spent the entire trip here just learning as much Italian as I could, making friends & exploring the workings of the city.

I know many of you will never make it to Sciacca – so I hope this will give you a strong sense of what it looks like. Walking around was one awe-inspiring, surprise after another. And while I know many Italian (and for that matter European) towns are full of amazing surprises of great architecture, phenomenal churches and beautiful piazzas at every turn – THIS Sicilian town has a history that includes all of us – and it did not disappoint.

You will be pleased to know that Sciacca has great respect from its Sicilian neighbors & cousins. Whenever I mention it to other Sicilians the common response is. . “Oh . . Sciacca” – said with a sort of sign, like they’re remembering it fondly. I will as well.

Coming into town that first day was pretty thrilling. I had built this place up in my mind and was anxious to see how it would play out. The sights, the colors, the sounds, the smells, the air, the history, the people – all fun to experience.

Once I’d parked & checked into my very nice B&B, I went out for my first dinner. The gal at the B&B had made a reservation for me at La Trattoria Vecchia Conza for 8pm; it was still empty and I was the only one in the place. The host (I actually think he was the owner) didn’t speak much English, but he was charming. A half hour later a family came in and as the host went to seat them, he smiled at me and motioned as if to say “see, others are here too – OK?”. All OK with me! I had a big plate of mixed grilled seafood for dinner – in honor of my grandpa!

The next morning & afternoon, I spent with Rosy, the ancestry lady. See post titled “Meet Cugino Pippo”. When I finish with Rosy, I decide to take my dirty laundry to a lavanderia that the B&B owner recommended. I find it with some help from a guy near the steps that I needed to go down (I got lost, because I was looking for steps that went up)! I say in my best Italian “I’d like to get these clothes washed” and the girls turns around and goes in the back to get someone else. I’m not offended . . well, maybe I am! This women comes out and we have a nice English / Italian conversation and decide that yes, they will wash & dry but not iron the clothes. She tells me it will be 3 Euro per kilo and I think that sounds like a pretty good price. I ask when it will be ready and she says tomorrow at noon. I ask if she will give me a ticket and she says, no, I’ve got it! In my less than American trust, I ask her name, because if you know someone’s name, they won’t screw you, right? She says Lina and we get to talking about why I’m in Sciacca. She’s excited I’m from California and that I’ve come to find family. By the time, I leave, we’re on pretty good terms. I walk out hoping that I will see again the 2/3 of the clothes I’ve brought to Italy and now left with Lina. Here’s to trusting the nice Sicilians!!

The day after that was a Saturday and I decided to take the day off. You can see how that went in post called “Lazy Saturday in Sciacca”. During that day I talked to Amy and she sensed I was a little down. Between the heavy physical load of traveling this long and being on my own with no to have a real conversation with – her sense was correct. She gave me a great pep talk and told me to watch for signs.

The next day, I went to the Harbor. . and the signs . . well, the signs were everywhere!!

This harbor, wharf, waterfront – call it what you like – is HUGE! I’d say it spans about 1 ½ miles, maybe 2 and I walked around it for over 3 hours. Every inch of it! I started on the pleasure side with the yachts and sailboats, checked out the little “yacht clubs” (kind of male social clubs if you ask me) and watched a few people fishing from the pier.

I started over to the commercial side and passed a ton of old buildings that are no longer in use. I’m sure they all supported the fishermen & fishing trade at one time, as they line the streets right at the harbor. I also found a little church that was pretty humble and just the place I think the fishermen would go each Sunday. (It was Palm Sunday and the place was packed with everyone in their Sunday best – so I couldn’t really tell what these people did for a living – but I’m sure they all have something to do with the sea). And then I start to walk along the pier where all the commercial boats are parked.

The first boat I come to is . . the ANTONINO! I’m not kidding you – the hair stood up on my arms and I got a huge smile across my face. “They” were here and they were guiding me in! As I walked along, the signs just kept coming. Calogero (Calogera & Antonino’s grandfathers / and the male version of Calogera); Accursio (Linda’s father / Accursia was Antonino’s mother’s name as well),;Salvatore (Calogero’s brother); Stefano (Antonino & Linda’s son that drowned at Montara Beach), Francesca (Calogera’s mother); and even a boat called Stati Uniti painted red, white & blue (Stati Uniti is what the Italians call the United States). I gotta say – it was fantastic, amazing, mind blowing!! I walked the entire length of all 3 piers and looked at EVERY boat. It was awesome!

These pictures are for my Dad . .and his sisters & brother. I hope they trigger happy memories of the wharf & your own Dad.

Pictures of the Waterfront

I told Amy the next day about a restaurant that I passed a couple of times as I was checking out the waterfront. It was called Italia and something kept drawing me to it. Was it cute? Was it the building? The color? I wasn’t sure. I stopped and looked it up on Google to see if there were any reviews and guess what? It was actually called “Ristorante Italia da Nino”. Really? had to go now!!! Unfortunately, being Palm Sunday, they couldn’t accommodate me with a table. No matter – point was made & not lost on me!

I head back up the long hill (decide to take the hill instead of the big old staircase thinking it would be easier – wrong) and reach the top – sweaty & hot! I return to my B&B and take a little break before venturing out to find something to eat. Now, keep in mind that it’s both Palm Sunday and close to 3pm (and 3 or 3:30 is the bewitching hour for food in Sicily – as the restaurants close & don’t reopen until about 7:30 or 8 – so you better EAT when they are OPEN). I’m not having a lot of luck and then I come to this little place called Osteria Il Commensale that’s down this little alley. They have tables outside and they have plenty of room for me. They also have meat!!! I order this pistachio pesto pasta for a starter and ask for lamb for my main course. Sorry, they’re out – so I settle for a ribeye steak. No disappointment here – it was delicious. They served a delicious bread & olives/peppers/onions for antipasti and I had a big old glass of red wine. I waddled out of there very happy indeed! **Sorry, I forgot to charge my phone that afternoon (too many pics at the harbor) or I would have gotten some pics of that meal. Interesting that right across the alley from my table was a construction worksite with a posting of the work to be done. It was sort of a permit application with the owner, construction company, foreman, date work could start, time & days of week they could work, etc – and reminded me of Scott & made me miss him. I know working in Italy with all their regulations would make him nuts.

Keep this little restaurant in mind, as I will come back to it!

I skip dinner that night and just have a big gelato. I go down to the main square – Piazza Scandaliato – and watch the passeggiata serale (evening stroll). It’s Palm Sunday, so I’m not sure this is typical Sunday evening or not, but it’s pretty relaxing to just be there amongst all these family & friends. The pace is slow and it matters not that I’m eating gelato for dinner. No one cares, they’ve all just come from church and big family dinners. People are smiling, greeting each and air-kissing the heck out of each other. It’s just a big old social occasion and I’m the only one observing, rather than participating. I decide to stroll a bit – and find myself saying “slow down”. It must be all that mindfulness meditation!

The next day, I’m to rendezvous with Pippo and he’s going to take me to see the Minister of Culture. He picks me up & we go to his office. I meet his boss, a lovely woman by the name of Daniela Portera. She speaks some English, so we have a very nice broken English & Italian conversation and I learn more about Pippo and what they do. She heads up the province of Agrigento’s “restoration of art” group and Pippo heads up the Sciacca division. Pippo restores art! His office has this amazing fresco on the ceiling that needs to be restored – but the border is made up of Nobile Famiglia of Sicily – and the Graffeo coat of arms is right up there with them all! VERY cool!!!

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We go to City Hall and meet the Minister of Culture and he assigns one of his bulldogs to me. I say this as a complete term of endearment because this lady did everything she could to cut through the BS that the other departments were dumping on her. I had taken the time the night before, using Google Translator (which I’ve fallen in love with), to put together a little synopsis of what I was looking for – namely the names & birthdates of Antonino & Calogera’s brothers & sisters. Senora Ventimiglia in the department of birth records was having none of that. Even in my very minimal Italian, I knew she was saying “impossible, too much work, there’s no way I can do that”! I agreed, with her attitude, there’s no way she could / would do it. I said grazie mille & we moved on to immigration. Now, since my bulldog wasn’t interested much in my “synopsis” she didn’t realize that I actually wasn’t looking for the immigration records to the United States. We have those – clear as day – no doubt we have the right ones from ancestry.com. However, for some reason, I think she thought we should check those and the lady in that department was very put out as well. She made us wait and then rifled through some old record books & then came up with a story about a department called A.I.R.E. (basically translate to Italians Residents Living Abroad) and that A.I.R.E. had had a fire that destroyed all records prior to 1990. BS – I saw the records on the shelf. I think she felt this would deter the bulldog and it did! Again, I thanked her and moved on.

Let me just take a moment to say – the coolest thing about the morning was that I got to see all these old record books. When you have a name like Kari Rafello – it’s pretty rare indeed to see your name in print, let alone on the binding of a book – and see I did! Graffeo, Sclafani, Fauci, Sabella, Marino, Marinello, etc . . there were old books from the turn of the century with these pink immigration records that would have confirmed, I’m sure, what I already know – which is when they both left Sicily. Nevertheless, it would have been cool to see their records and maybe see why they left . . good probability that they would have had their signatures too.

I thank the bulldog & give her two air-cheek kisses and she sends me on my way. I send Pippo a message (using Google Translator) that the morning didn’t really turn up any more stuff and he’s pretty disappointed. I tell him – NO WORRIES – because we found him and that’s all that counts!!

I decide to climb about 100 stairs to the higher part of the old city. I’ve seen on the tourist map that there’s a Palazzo Graffeo up there (another palace folks) and I must get pictures. Plus there’s a couple of big, old churches up there. I climb & climb & climb and reach the Piazza Gerado Noceto where I find the two churches, take a couple of pictures and then search crazily for Palazzo Graffeo. I walk around the block looking for the red oval sign that is always in place for historical landmarks and I can’t find one. I ask this guy going into Pizzeria Conte Luna if he knows where it is – and he says no (a few minutes later he comes running after me with a map) and then I move onto a few guys talking on the corner. “Dove, Palazzo Graffeo?” I ask. “No”, he says – and points down as he says “E ‘nel centro della città” – meaning it’s in the city center. I think we both must be confused. I continue to look at the map and decide that I must have found it – it’s the prettiest building on the block and must have been a palace. I take a bunch of pictures of the building, the rotary sign, the beautiful ceramic sign of Pizzeria Conte Luna. See, I was in the right place all the time!

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I see a cute little Ristorante Mediterraneo across the street and decide it’s more than time for lunch. I am the only one in there – but I have a marvelous little lunch of salumi for antipasti, shrimp & linguine, and an insalata mista. I’m also studying this map to see where I will go next – WHEN – it happens! I realize that Palazzo Graffeo IS INDEED in the center of town – and I’ve been there TWICE. Not only did Rosy & Michele take me by on Friday (but it was a hasty stop in that Michele spotted it, pulled over about 2 blocks up from it, I jumped out of car, ran back & snapped shots) AND it is right next door to Osteria Communale – the place I had lunch the previous day! Now really, I should say the Osteria is not really next door, it’s in the “basement” of Palazzo Graffeo. The alley actually gives you access to the basement of this old palace and I’ve been there – sitting there – eating steak & pistachio pasta and drinking wine – and not even realizing where I am! So, another sign. But then I realize that there had already been a sign, the address of the Osteria is 23 and 23 is a very big number in my life and was going to be the name of the restaurant that Tim & I were going to open. Signs – they’re everywhere!

But then the day goes downhill. I’m feeling good about my lunch & the fact that I have already been to the family palace when I spot a bancomat (ATM) across the piazza. I think, sure, I could use to get some cash – and the bancomat EATS MY CARD! What??? At that point, I notice that it’s 2pm and the bank will not re-open until 2:45 so I have a few minutes to kill. I sit in the sun and start my wait. A few minutes later I notice this kind of creepy guy coming towards me. He’s kind of slow and he comes up to me and puts out his hand and mumbles something. I think he wants to see my map, but then realize that he’s trying to grab my hand & pull me towards him – I say “NO” and get up and move quickly across the street to one of the bars (these are more like 7/11’s in the States). I order a lemon soda and sit down after telling the gal at the counter & the old man in there (I think he was the owner) about the card eating bancomat and they take pity on me. I notice then that the weird guy is kind of hanging around outside and I look at him and again say “NO”. The old guy in the bar walks out to and scolds him in Italian and he leaves. I told you all the old men in this country love me!!!

The bank finally re-opens and I go in and tell the guy at the counter “Il bancomat mangiato mia carta”. He scowls & goes to the back – I’m assuming to retrieve my card. He comes back and starts speaking to me in really fast Italian and I’m getting none of it. I’m trying to get some questions in via Google Translator but that’s not really working as he keeps speaking over me and confusing the whole situation. Basically, I get out of him that I have to talk to my bank in America and I’m shit out of luck with him! Thanks dude – way to help the tourists. The rest of the afternoon I spend talking to Bank of America and figuring out how to get a new card to me. Thank God I plan for contingencies and brought along the ATM card from my & Scott’s joint account – so I transfer some money into that account & withdraw $300 to get me through until the new card comes. Crisis over – kind of . . .

I talk to Amy and she tells me to go out and have some limoncello; she also says, it will all be OK. Just as we’re about to hang up, I hear this singing and wonder where it’s coming from. I mention it to Amy and say good-bye. When I go to the edge of my balcony, I see a procession going down the street towards the local church. The people are all carrying palms decorated for the occasion and singing in harmony. I tried to get you a video – but it took me awhile to figure out how to do that, so what I have may be a little lame!

The night gets much better when I venture out for dinner. I’m on my way to this little restaurant that I found online, but I’m not finding it. But I do see this little hole in the wall and decide to give it a try. People always say, find a little hole in the wall . . and boy, did I. La Buona Forchetta by Chef Nicola; this place is the bomb! The chef was amazing – even came & greeted everyone and personally took my order. His father (I’m sure) was manning the door and could not have been more charming; I wanted to bring him home & have him tell me stories about the old country! Suffice to say – the day was saved & I had my best meal of the trip! Here’s the review I wrote on tripadvisor.com and some pictures of my food.

Don’t Miss This Place!

I spent 5 nights in the historical center of Sciacca and found this place on my last night. If I had found it earlier, I would have eaten there EVERY night of my trip – just to taste as many of Chef Nicolo’s dishes as possible! Since I was traveling alone, I ordered 2 dishes and a salad. The caponata was some of the best I’ve eaten and was served with lovely, thick slices of prosciutto! The linguine & scampi WAS the BEST scampi dish I’ve ever eaten and I come from a long line of commercial fisherman! After seeing so many other guests getting fresh melon for dessert, I canceled my salad and went for the fruit. You might not get excited about fruit – but this was the most succulent, sweet, perfectly ripe melon I’ve had in a long time. It’s clear Chef Nicolo serves only quality ingredients. The grilled meat at another table had me thinking about ordering another dish – but I had to settle for the amazing aroma of the huge offering across the room. The chef (who came out to greet EVERY guest) and his staff are welcoming & friendly and obviously love delighting customers. This is where the locals eat – you should too!

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The following day is my last day in the city, I will be moving to the beach this afternoon. I check-oult and spend about 2 hours walking around doing a little food shopping because for the first time on this trip, I will have a kitchen.

I go back to Vicolo San Lorenzo to see the old neighborhood one more time and take a few more photographs. I really look at the “Ex Chiesa San Lorenzo” (the little church in the neighborhood) and wonder if it were open, what stories would it tell? Rosy insisted that that both Antonino & Calogera would have all been baptized at the “mother church” but I’m pretty sure these humble fishermen would have kept it all in the neighborhood.

I finish my time in Sciacca not really having answered any questions – but with possible links to continue my ancestry work. 5 days was not enough. I will be back – I know it. **And Dad, I hope you’ll be with me.

Click Here for Pictures

April 15, 2017
Yep, We’ve Got a Palace!

April 2

When I was reading about Palermo, I found that there’s actually a PALACE built by the Sclafani family in Palermo. (For those of you not completely up to date on my family tree – my Dad’s paternal grandmother was a Sclafani.) I did some studying on the Sclafani family and found that they were actually pretty important in the 1300s – and very powerful. They were in bed – so to speak – with the Chiramonte family, and the two dynasties kind of dominated Sicily in the 1300 & 1400s. Of course, power changed hands quite frequently in Sicily due to all that conquering – so the Chiramonte & Sclafani reigns “withered”. Nevertheless, there IS a palace and I have the pictures to prove it.

We exited the red, hop-on, hop-off bus at Palazzo Reale. This is the real deal! Biggest palace I’ve ever seen (except for Buckingham in London) and beautiful gardens. It’s Sunday – so unfortunately tours have already closed for the day – but we can walk the gardens. We check the map & find that the Sclafani place is really close & start to walk to it. We discover that it’s just across the street!

I had read that the Sclafani place is now used by the Italian Military should I wasn’t sure what to expect. There were flags above the front door, but no other identification, and it was boarded up and looked like it wasn’t in use. Sherine took a couple of pictures of me standing in front of the door and we started to walk around the side to see how large it was.

I’m snapping pictures of the whole block – since the side of the palace is spanning the whole block – when Sherine calls me over. She’s found the “motherlode” – the actual, historical market that this is Palazzo Sclafani. There’s two young guys sitting on the threshold and they’re not at all interesting in why we’re there or why we’re taking pictures (and since I don’t know any Italian for: “this is my family’s place, so could you get out of the way” – we just work around them.

So Rafello’s – here’s another piece of the family puzzle!! Check out the pictures – this place really could have been something in its day. For one, it’s surrounded by prominent villas (and of course, the Palazzo Reale) and their views were of immaculate, well-designed gardens. Check out the crest above the “real” front door – pretty cool!

We walk around the back & realize this place really was huge! The back borders a small, run down alley called “Via Matteo Sclafani” – which means at some point, this street was a really big deal too!! (By the way, Matteo Sclafani is the guy you’ll read about in the history books if you’re ever interested.) We keep walking and at the end of the alley we return to Via Vittorio Emanuele (a major street – EVERY town in Italy has one!) and a huge plaza with what looks like a big old church. That big old church turns out to be the Palermo Cathedral (see Palermo post for more details). At that moment, I decide that the Sclafani’s have had to have been a VERY BIG DEAL indeed – because to be in the company of the city’s religious leaders and all the prominent families that lived in that neighborhood – was a VERY BIG DEAL.

Pretty cool indeed!!

Click Here to See Pictures

April 12, 2017
“THIS” Could Be Our Town!

Another bus, but HAD to go . . it’s as close to the RAFELLO namesake as I could get!

A simple “F” for the “V” and we’d have OUR town in Italy!! Have to say, it was pretty cool to walk around and see “our name” everywhere.

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Beautiful – simply beautiful – sorry I can’t get more pictures to upload tonight so you can see them. This selfie of me is an example of the stunning views from this town.

A “gem” of a view!

So, we toured the crown jewel of the town . . Villa Rufolo.

Our crib? Could be!

Heck . . Tomato, Tomoto, Rufolo, Rafello . . . close enough for cousins to stake a claim!!!

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April 3, 2017
So . . Who are these Graffeo’s Anyway?

So it all started with Antonino Graffeo . . born 1872 in Sciacca, province of Agrigento, state of Sicily inside the newly united country of Italy! The Sicilians didn’t like being united with Italy & they were starving . . so a whole bunch of them left, including Antonino! He sailed the ocean blue on the SS Nord America in October 1897 and celebrated his 25th birthday, on the ship, 3 days before landing in New York City. Somehow – and no one really knows why or how – he made his way to San Francisco and set up shop.

He met & married Calogera Sclafani sometime in 1901 or 1902 and they had their first child, Maria, soon afterwards (she died in 1903 – found that on the family crypt records). Their 2nd child, Mary, was born in 1904 and my grandfather, Vincent Rafello, Sr. came soon afterwards, with 7 more children coming over the next 15-16 years (of course, the 1906 SFO earthquake & fire wiped out all the marriage, birth & death records, so it’s been a little difficult to piece this altogether). **Biggest mystery is why the name was changed at all. If you look at Antonino’s immigration record on ancestry.com, his name is spelled perfectly. So, unlike so many who didn’t read, speak or write English when they came into the country and had their names butchered – he actually came into the country with the exact spelling of his birth name (I have a copy of his birth certificate, so I know this is true.) Whatever the reason – he lived most of his life in the USA as Tony Rafello (Rafello took a while to migrate to a single “f”, as early census records have it spelled with two “f”s).

To be updated with more details . . so stay tuned!

March 15, 2017